Rule no. 9 of the perpetual diet

At times during your diet your body will decide there’s a famine, and in a bid for self preservation it will start to hoard calories. You still police every morsel of food you put in your mouth but you stop losing pounds. You may even gain a few back. It’s only the plateau. You must not freak out.

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Rule no. 13 of the perpetual diet

Never eat processed food.

Processed food, oozing with salt and transfats and fructose and unpronounceable chemicals, is diabolically engineered to stimulate your appetite while never satiating it. Processed food, brought to you by faceless, heartless corporations who care only about the bottom line (theirs, not yours), is the very last thing you should put in your poor defenseless pathetic little body.

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Rule no. 16 of the perpetual diet

Boldly colored dishes make food taste better, and when food tastes better, you eat less of it.

At least that’s the theory. Amy’s plates are tangerine orange, her bowls are cherry red, and the handles of her flatware are lime green.

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